"I lured him out with peanuts."
"What??"
"I put a bag of peanuts in the backyard. He went out and ate 'em. Like a squirrel."
"I'll take care of your father when you die. But I'm renaming him Rusty."
LOL King of Queens.
So today I went to get the mail, and I found an issue of People magazine, along with a bill for over $100 for a year subscription. Hmm. Funny thing...I never subscribed! I'm thinking...I have no idea. The magazine fairy has a sick sense of humor.
This was on the heels of a visit to Walmart, which, as you all know, is always an interesting experience. You never know who you're going to run in to at Walmart. Just walking in I saw a crazy old man with hair all over pushing a cart full of things he definitely did not purchase at Walmart. Inside I ran into a bunch of people who like to park their carts on one side of the aisle and stand staring at the other side while I stand and wait patiently, mentally tapping my foot. (Okay I know the tenses don't match up in the sentence. Whatever.) At one point I was walking behind two people who were talking to themselves. I even looked at their ears to see if they had bluetooth headsets, but nope. The lady I ended up following until she came across an employee to scream at. She was like, "I've been looking for hours for x!" If it were me I'm not sure I would have been as polite as the employee. Because obviously it was his fault that she had wandered around aimlessly without asking for help before reaching her boiling point. I'm not the biggest fan of Walmart, but they are usually pretty helpful when you need something. Some people think the world revolves around them. Poor guy. Hope the lady didn't bite his head off.
It's raining. And cold. And someone said snow is possible for the weekend. And I'm pretending it is all lies. I am in my happy place where there is no such thing as snow, except for on weekends to play in, and then it's all gone by the time I have to drive to work. I don't think I'd mind snow so much if I didn't have to drive so much. Icy roads scare me.
I had a dream last night that there was a big snowstorm right before the Halloween fireworks. And they were trying to set up for the parade, but they got in accidents because they tried to block traffic as it was flowing. But the snow melted by the time the fireworks started, except I couldn't see them, because I think they were black. Random.
This morning I got a plastic cap put on my dental implant. It's weird looking, even worse than just not having a tooth there. Only three more weeks and my dental nightmares will be over!!! Except I'll be paying for them for years yet. Sigh. I had to laugh though. My dentist was working on my teeth, chatting as usual. I like him a lot, he's pretty entertaining. So he was talking and I was answering and he could understand me. Then he was done and I sat up, and he gave me a mirror to look at my "tooth," and I turned to him and said, "Gosh this looks just like a real tooth, no one will know the difference!" (Totally sarcastic) He blinked and said, "What?" I had to repeat myself, and then he laughed and said yes, it was a good disguise. However, it was just funny, because he never asks me to repeat myself while his fingers are in my mouth. Perhaps he's just too attuned to muffled speech, so clear speech is like alien language. *Shrug*
Guess what. Phyllis is the bestest. She told me I was special FOUR TIMES today! Sometimes I feel like maybe she isn't being completely sincere...but then I think, no, of course Phyllis really means it when she says I'm special. For reals. I think she was having issues today though...she kept talking to her iPod. Like, literally picking it up and speaking directly into it. It listened too, which made me wonder about her magical powers. I made her doubt her own sanity though. I was reading instructions on one of our databases, and I said one thing and then played innocent. I don't even remember what it was. But it was funny. Oh, and Phyllis always talks about how she swears. And then she swears. It's a very bad habit. I'm going to start washing her mouth out with hand sanitizer. I'll put it in her Jimmy John's.
I was telling Phyllis today about how I got something in the mail addressed to Renta (instead of Renata). That led to a discussion on renting people. And I said that being an employee is kind of like being rented by a company. Is that weird? Yes. Okay, but really, it's like, if you rent a car, you are paying for services for a while. Some things you rent hourly, some things you rent for longer times. Employees can be rented by the hour. Or they can be salaried. Or...okay this has gone down a very strange path and I'm going to stop and go to bed.
Next time: Commonly used phrases and their meanings. Maybe. If I feel like it.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
People
As a therapist, I am exceedingly interested in the human condition. I enjoy observing people, how they react to things, what they do, and trying to figure out the motives behind it. Usually people don't realize they are being observed. Gosh, that sounds creepy. I promise I'm not a stalker. I just think that the things people do are fascinating. We're really kinda like animals. Wild ones. This morning I was working on some stuff and I had the TV on for background noise. I wasn't really paying attention when the show changed, and when I looked up, it was the Steve Wilkos show. I don't know how many of you are familiar with that show, but basically he's an ex-cop sorta guy and he yells at people and calls them names and takes away their chairs then kicks them off the stage. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't condone what a lot of these people have done. Some have done horrible things. But since when does yelling do any good? "You're the scum of the universe!!!!" "You know, you're right, this talk has helped, I'm going to go turn my life around." Yeah, right. In my experience, the more someone yells, the more defensive someone gets. So yeah, let's make these people angry and then send that back out into the world. Nice work, Steve, nice work.
The other thing that bothered me was that the audience was so into it. They heard one side of a story and were all in a frenzy against the other person, then they heard the other side and were all up in arms against the first person. It is just stupid. Again, so totally not condoning the behavior. But I guess my job has taught me that there is so much more to people that just their actions. How about we figure out what is behind the behavior? How about we connect them to resources, counseling, groups, etc, to help them change their lives around? If for no other reason to make sure that their actions can't hurt other people anymore, if it seems to hard to do it for the person's own benefit. I actually felt really sad for the guy that was being booed. He was standing there on stage looking around, and everyone around him was jeering and yelling and calling him names, people who had never seen him before this day and knew just a tiny bit of what was going on in his life, and he just looked so sad, like he didn't have a friend in the world. Yes, friends, this is what working with juvenile delinquents has done for me. It has made me realize that life is not black and white, and people are not good or bad. We're all a bit of both.
Jerry Springer came on when I was in the other room, and it was the same thing. The audience feeds off each other until they've whipped themselves into a frenzy and suddenly decide they are the experts on everyone else's lives. They stand up and yell obscenities and then chant and try and get people to fight. Because yes, this is productive. I'm sure everyone comes off that show feeling fabulous as well. Ugh. This is what happens when I only have a few channels. Look what I'm forced into! Haha.
"I know your name, Jake, I'm being condescending." LOL. Love Scrubs. Okay that was random.
I had an interesting conversation with my sister last night. Well, okay, does a text conversation count as a conversation? I think so. I wonder what other people's opinions are. Do looks matter? How much I would LOVE to say that they don't. That as long as you are beautiful on the inside, it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. The optimist in me believes that. The realist in me thinks that's crap. Looks matter in so much of what we do! Again with people and their reactions and judgments. I mean, really. I have been out with some of my gorgeous friends, and it is an interesting experience. People react differently to people who are more attractive. As far as relationships go, no, looks should not be the most important thing. But when someone is looking for a relationship, the first thing they think is not, wow, look at the personality on that one! Even if someone gets to know a person who isn't considered that attractive, and likes them, how often do they really decide to take it to the next level if there is not physical attraction? Rarely. It happens, but it is the exception. Beauty fades, it's true, so then why is it so important to us? *Shrug*
Haha, this was a heavier entry. Oh well. Next time I'll talk about something funnier...like...pants...
The other thing that bothered me was that the audience was so into it. They heard one side of a story and were all in a frenzy against the other person, then they heard the other side and were all up in arms against the first person. It is just stupid. Again, so totally not condoning the behavior. But I guess my job has taught me that there is so much more to people that just their actions. How about we figure out what is behind the behavior? How about we connect them to resources, counseling, groups, etc, to help them change their lives around? If for no other reason to make sure that their actions can't hurt other people anymore, if it seems to hard to do it for the person's own benefit. I actually felt really sad for the guy that was being booed. He was standing there on stage looking around, and everyone around him was jeering and yelling and calling him names, people who had never seen him before this day and knew just a tiny bit of what was going on in his life, and he just looked so sad, like he didn't have a friend in the world. Yes, friends, this is what working with juvenile delinquents has done for me. It has made me realize that life is not black and white, and people are not good or bad. We're all a bit of both.
Jerry Springer came on when I was in the other room, and it was the same thing. The audience feeds off each other until they've whipped themselves into a frenzy and suddenly decide they are the experts on everyone else's lives. They stand up and yell obscenities and then chant and try and get people to fight. Because yes, this is productive. I'm sure everyone comes off that show feeling fabulous as well. Ugh. This is what happens when I only have a few channels. Look what I'm forced into! Haha.
"I know your name, Jake, I'm being condescending." LOL. Love Scrubs. Okay that was random.
I had an interesting conversation with my sister last night. Well, okay, does a text conversation count as a conversation? I think so. I wonder what other people's opinions are. Do looks matter? How much I would LOVE to say that they don't. That as long as you are beautiful on the inside, it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. The optimist in me believes that. The realist in me thinks that's crap. Looks matter in so much of what we do! Again with people and their reactions and judgments. I mean, really. I have been out with some of my gorgeous friends, and it is an interesting experience. People react differently to people who are more attractive. As far as relationships go, no, looks should not be the most important thing. But when someone is looking for a relationship, the first thing they think is not, wow, look at the personality on that one! Even if someone gets to know a person who isn't considered that attractive, and likes them, how often do they really decide to take it to the next level if there is not physical attraction? Rarely. It happens, but it is the exception. Beauty fades, it's true, so then why is it so important to us? *Shrug*
Haha, this was a heavier entry. Oh well. Next time I'll talk about something funnier...like...pants...
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Saturdays: Relaxing or boring?
It's Saturday. And I'm bored. There's nothing on TV. Good practice for me since I'm getting rid of cable. *gasp!* That's right. Gone. Kaput. Finito. It's too spendy, and makes my bank account ache. I read for a while, but I'm sleepy and it makes me sleepier. My life is scintillating. Did I spell that right? I don't really care.
I'm watching "Toddlers & Tiaras" and this woman just ordered a "flipper" for her 4 year old. I learned that a "flipper" is basically dentures for people with teeth. Seems redundant, but heaven forbid a 4 or 5 year old go onstage with a missing tooth. Because kids don't lose teeth. Ever. Haha, this mom just compared pageants to sports. I suppose they are about that intense. This is so weird and disturbing.
I'm heading to a BBQ for work in a little while. Well, I think so. I texted Phyllis a while ago and asked when I could come, and she never texted back, so I'm pretty sure she hates me. Because that's what it means when people don't text back. I'm hip with the lingo...or lack thereof! So I will park in her driveway and give her the silent treatment. And eat my jello. I went to a potluck last night and I brought 7 layer jello. It was a hit. It was an interesting get together. Have you ever stopped to think about how many different "languages" we speak? Last night was the first time I'd hung out with a group from a church in quite a while, well over a year. It was so much different than when I hang out with people from work! An outsider would probably think "church-speak" sounded a little creepy, but if you grew up in it, it's just comforting. At work, we have our own FFT lingo, which I can say from experience is very strange when you're on the outside. I have different languages I speak with my close friends, bulging (haha, yuck, I hate that word) with references to inside jokes or past experiences, as well as with my family. It's pretty funny to think about. It's also interesting to think how those worlds can overlap. What do you do when you're with people from two different areas of your life? Which language do you choose? Will my "church-speak" offend someone from another area of my life? Should I care? Ouch, my brain hurts.
I like the word livid. Quick, someone piss me off so I can say that I'm livid! Wait, now it just looks weird. Kinda like liver. Never mind.
I really want to go on a vacation. September is a long month, especially looking forward to October, where there is no vacation, and where November is just barely visible on the horizon, at the end of which is Thanksgiving. Then the fun begins with holidays. I really want to go out of the country. Someplace. Anyplace. Okay, not anyplace. Siberia would kinda suck. Anyplace cold would not be acceptable. I would like to go someplace where they speak in sexy accents. Then find someone to marry me. I was taking Facebook quizzes today (I was bored, remember) and according to Facebook, I will meet my love on December 16 of this year, so I guess I'm meeting someone at Kelly's wedding. And I'm supposed to get married on October 3, 2011. Sounds like a good timeline, eh? I would be 27, not too bad. And I know Facebook always tells the truth, because it said I was going to die at age 80 on an electrical pole during an earthquake. How can you doubt after something like that???
Ew, you're supposed to have 5 servings of vegetables a day? This could be a problem. Don't ask.
Almost time to leave. Just enough time for a quick nap.
I'm watching "Toddlers & Tiaras" and this woman just ordered a "flipper" for her 4 year old. I learned that a "flipper" is basically dentures for people with teeth. Seems redundant, but heaven forbid a 4 or 5 year old go onstage with a missing tooth. Because kids don't lose teeth. Ever. Haha, this mom just compared pageants to sports. I suppose they are about that intense. This is so weird and disturbing.
I'm heading to a BBQ for work in a little while. Well, I think so. I texted Phyllis a while ago and asked when I could come, and she never texted back, so I'm pretty sure she hates me. Because that's what it means when people don't text back. I'm hip with the lingo...or lack thereof! So I will park in her driveway and give her the silent treatment. And eat my jello. I went to a potluck last night and I brought 7 layer jello. It was a hit. It was an interesting get together. Have you ever stopped to think about how many different "languages" we speak? Last night was the first time I'd hung out with a group from a church in quite a while, well over a year. It was so much different than when I hang out with people from work! An outsider would probably think "church-speak" sounded a little creepy, but if you grew up in it, it's just comforting. At work, we have our own FFT lingo, which I can say from experience is very strange when you're on the outside. I have different languages I speak with my close friends, bulging (haha, yuck, I hate that word) with references to inside jokes or past experiences, as well as with my family. It's pretty funny to think about. It's also interesting to think how those worlds can overlap. What do you do when you're with people from two different areas of your life? Which language do you choose? Will my "church-speak" offend someone from another area of my life? Should I care? Ouch, my brain hurts.
I like the word livid. Quick, someone piss me off so I can say that I'm livid! Wait, now it just looks weird. Kinda like liver. Never mind.
I really want to go on a vacation. September is a long month, especially looking forward to October, where there is no vacation, and where November is just barely visible on the horizon, at the end of which is Thanksgiving. Then the fun begins with holidays. I really want to go out of the country. Someplace. Anyplace. Okay, not anyplace. Siberia would kinda suck. Anyplace cold would not be acceptable. I would like to go someplace where they speak in sexy accents. Then find someone to marry me. I was taking Facebook quizzes today (I was bored, remember) and according to Facebook, I will meet my love on December 16 of this year, so I guess I'm meeting someone at Kelly's wedding. And I'm supposed to get married on October 3, 2011. Sounds like a good timeline, eh? I would be 27, not too bad. And I know Facebook always tells the truth, because it said I was going to die at age 80 on an electrical pole during an earthquake. How can you doubt after something like that???
Ew, you're supposed to have 5 servings of vegetables a day? This could be a problem. Don't ask.
Almost time to leave. Just enough time for a quick nap.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Ask your doctor if ______ is right for you!
I was driving home from work today and happened to look in my rearview mirror. There was a mustachioed man in the car behind me, and he was smiling big as anything. I don't know if he was talking on the phone, or thinking of something funny, or was just genuinely happy to be driving. I mean, when I get to go home at the end of the day, I know I sometimes can't keep the smile off my face. So I was enjoying sneaking peeks at this very happy man when I realized he was coming very close to the back of my car. Suddenly, instead of feeling buoyed by his smiles, I felt a bit threatened. What had been pleasant became sinister. The man behind me transformed into an evil traffic wedgie! He followed me off my exit, then in my first turn, on my tail the entire time. As I turned onto my street I cast one last nervous glance in my rearview mirror to check that he wasn't following me still, and I saw that the smile was wiped from his face and he was shaking his head at me. Like, how dare you turn! Or maybe he was disapproving of my street? I think it's a nice street... People are weird.
You know something that I think is getting worse lately? People's ability to listen. There are very few people I have conversations with anymore who ask how I am and actually want to hear the answer. And they get freaked out if I give a real answer instead of the standby "fine" or "good" or whatever other generic word you can think of. It seems like conversations have been reduced to little more than competitions, where each person uses the time the other is speaking to formulate what they want to say next, or to look for a way to bring the conversation back around to them. It's sad really. How often are we really listening to people? How much difference might it make if we took time to listen? Just thoughts bouncing around. Haha.
Sorry for that seriousness. Tonight I was contemplating the age old question: Why, oh why, so they make packs of hot dogs with 10 in them and packs of buns with only 8??? Seriously. Why should I have to buy four packs of hot dogs and five of buns just to make things even out? It's silly. I think it's a conspiracy. I think the hot dog and bun companies do it on purpose just to make people buy more. But really, it ends up making people waste food, or eat more than they need. The hot dog companies are responsible for the obesity in America! I've solved it!!!
Ahem.
I spent this past weekend in Sioux Falls at the Christian music festival Lifelight. It's one of the largest free outdoor festivals in the country. Pretty sweet. Kristen and I met up on Friday and headed west. There were some pretty awesome bands, and I ran into a ton of people I knew and hadn't seen for a while. Amazing how you can find so many friends in crowds of thousands of strangers:) Anyway, I'm assuming everyone out there has been to a concert at some point in their lives. I was thinking this weekend about the phenomenon of what I like to call "concert-speak." When a band is up on stage and they say, "How's everyone doing tonight?" the reply is always, "Whoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You never hear a chorus of "oh great!" or "wonderful!" or even "well, I'm having kind of a bad day, my toe hurts and my monkey ran away." Same with any other question. "Are you having fun??" "Wooooooo!!!!!" "Would you like to hear another one??" "WOoooooooo!" "Who here is from the area?" "WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Can you imagine if we did this in every day life??
Susie: Hey, Johnny!
Johnny: *hands in the air* Wooooo!
S: Yeah... So how are you?
J: Wooooooo!!!
S: That's good...I...guess... Um. So what did you think of that presentation today?
J: WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
S: So you liked it? I thought it was kind of boring. Aren't you presenting next week?
J: *jumping up and down with hands in the air* WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
S: Yeah...uhhh...I gotta go. Nice talking to you... *walks away quickly*
J: *whistles* Yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That would be weird. For sure. But kind of funny to do to someone. I dare you to do it. Seriously. Do it. DO IT NOW!!
You know something that I think is getting worse lately? People's ability to listen. There are very few people I have conversations with anymore who ask how I am and actually want to hear the answer. And they get freaked out if I give a real answer instead of the standby "fine" or "good" or whatever other generic word you can think of. It seems like conversations have been reduced to little more than competitions, where each person uses the time the other is speaking to formulate what they want to say next, or to look for a way to bring the conversation back around to them. It's sad really. How often are we really listening to people? How much difference might it make if we took time to listen? Just thoughts bouncing around. Haha.
Sorry for that seriousness. Tonight I was contemplating the age old question: Why, oh why, so they make packs of hot dogs with 10 in them and packs of buns with only 8??? Seriously. Why should I have to buy four packs of hot dogs and five of buns just to make things even out? It's silly. I think it's a conspiracy. I think the hot dog and bun companies do it on purpose just to make people buy more. But really, it ends up making people waste food, or eat more than they need. The hot dog companies are responsible for the obesity in America! I've solved it!!!
Ahem.
I spent this past weekend in Sioux Falls at the Christian music festival Lifelight. It's one of the largest free outdoor festivals in the country. Pretty sweet. Kristen and I met up on Friday and headed west. There were some pretty awesome bands, and I ran into a ton of people I knew and hadn't seen for a while. Amazing how you can find so many friends in crowds of thousands of strangers:) Anyway, I'm assuming everyone out there has been to a concert at some point in their lives. I was thinking this weekend about the phenomenon of what I like to call "concert-speak." When a band is up on stage and they say, "How's everyone doing tonight?" the reply is always, "Whoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You never hear a chorus of "oh great!" or "wonderful!" or even "well, I'm having kind of a bad day, my toe hurts and my monkey ran away." Same with any other question. "Are you having fun??" "Wooooooo!!!!!" "Would you like to hear another one??" "WOoooooooo!" "Who here is from the area?" "WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Can you imagine if we did this in every day life??
Susie: Hey, Johnny!
Johnny: *hands in the air* Wooooo!
S: Yeah... So how are you?
J: Wooooooo!!!
S: That's good...I...guess... Um. So what did you think of that presentation today?
J: WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
S: So you liked it? I thought it was kind of boring. Aren't you presenting next week?
J: *jumping up and down with hands in the air* WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
S: Yeah...uhhh...I gotta go. Nice talking to you... *walks away quickly*
J: *whistles* Yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That would be weird. For sure. But kind of funny to do to someone. I dare you to do it. Seriously. Do it. DO IT NOW!!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Totally Random
I'm watching The Princess Diaries 2 right now. I like this movie. Why am I sharing this? Because sometimes I don't make sense. (Sometimes? Haha, Phyllis, yes I can read your mind) So I get home a little before 6, sit down and eat, then check out what's on the tube. Love digital cable, because not only can I see what's on, but I can see what is going to be on. So I see that the movie is going to start at 7. I think, wow, that sounds like a fabulous time watching that movie. Then what goes through my mind? Dang, it's still an hour away and there's nothing on TV. What am I supposed to do? Yeah. A normal person would have said, gosh, I have this DVD, why don't I just watch it now, no commercials? Good thing I'm not normal. Even less normal, I keep pausing in my writing to watch the commercials. What is wrong with me?? (Don't answer that)
I'm a great big snot ball today. I hate colds. They last forever! And cold medicine never works, not even the good stuff. And you can't really take off work, so you're just a gross bundle of mucus in the office. Mmmm, tasty. My nose runneth over. What can I say?
I think they need to make better paint for roads. I swear I was driving down the middle of the road while it was raining today. I didn't notice until I hear all the honking and saw the rather creative hand gestures. People are quite imaginative. Awesome. I guess with better paint I wouldn't have true insight into the human condition of road rage. Because I never have road rage. Ever. I'm always. Completely. Calm.
Okay you wanna know what bothers me about drivers? Des Moines drivers have no sense of the speed limit. They drive super fast. Or super slow. And usually I get caught behind a super slow with a super fast creeping up on me from behind like a pair of tight underwear! It's like a traffic wedgie! Also, no turn signals. Hey look at me, I'm going to slow down for no apparent reason and then...surprise! I'm turning! Not my favorite surprise. Oh and people who need to be in one lane but pass all the cars and then turn their blinker on and expect someone to let them in. Because they're all so much more important. Hmph. Okay I better quit before I get all hot and bothered.
Man, I love this movie. I wish I found out I was a princess who was going to become queen but then some hot guy tried to steal my crown and I had to have an arranged marriage with another cute guy so I could be queen while I was falling in love with the other guy who is supposed to be my enemy. Isn't that every girl's dream? It's not? Weird...
So if I can't be a princess, I've decided to be a singer. I've got the voice, but my look isn't quite right, and I've never been a great dancer. So I'll wear a mask and be all mysterious and stuff.* And I've been studying moves on those music video thingers and I think if I perfect just a couple strategic moves I'll be good. So first I need to be standing in the rain. Things always look better in the rain, plus it will obscure me somewhat. Plus, it's helpful for the next part, which involves tossing my head just so and making sure that some of my hair sticks to my face. There's something about proving I can sing with hair in my eyes, seems to be a common thread. Finally, I will hold my head with both hands as if I'm in extreme pain. Throw in a back and forth head toss or two, and my look and dance are complete. I'm totally the complete package. Feel free to send agents my way.
I'm such a sap. I'm totally tearing up at this movie when she's getting crowned queen. Oops, did I ruin the ending? I mean...uhhh...I'm tearing up when the mean guy gets the throne and then the palace blows up. It's very sad.
Last week I won a pineapple for a coloring contest. It was pretty cool. I felt special. (Phyllis! Stop! No smart remarks!)
Today at work Phyllis told me she was grumpy, and I said I was sleepy. So we decided our team should be the seven dwarves! What's funny is how most of the names we picked are pretty fitting for us. When Kari leaves and there are seven on the team plus supervisor, we decided our supervisor will become Snow White and we will be her seven dwarves. Okay, so we're strange. But it was amusing. More people will understand this one than the time when Phyllis and I decided our cube was the Borg Cube from Star Trek and gave everyone "designations" (i.e. 3 of 6) and decided our supervisor was our "Borg Queen." I can't believe I just admitted to that.
I'm going to go rot my brain with some Real World. It's like a car wreck, horrible, but I can't seem to stop watching. I don't think I covered everything that has bounced around in my head over the past couple of weeks, but I keep getting distracted and writing this has taken me like over an hour. It's a problem. I'm done. Adios.
*See my post titled "Masquerade"
I'm a great big snot ball today. I hate colds. They last forever! And cold medicine never works, not even the good stuff. And you can't really take off work, so you're just a gross bundle of mucus in the office. Mmmm, tasty. My nose runneth over. What can I say?
I think they need to make better paint for roads. I swear I was driving down the middle of the road while it was raining today. I didn't notice until I hear all the honking and saw the rather creative hand gestures. People are quite imaginative. Awesome. I guess with better paint I wouldn't have true insight into the human condition of road rage. Because I never have road rage. Ever. I'm always. Completely. Calm.
Okay you wanna know what bothers me about drivers? Des Moines drivers have no sense of the speed limit. They drive super fast. Or super slow. And usually I get caught behind a super slow with a super fast creeping up on me from behind like a pair of tight underwear! It's like a traffic wedgie! Also, no turn signals. Hey look at me, I'm going to slow down for no apparent reason and then...surprise! I'm turning! Not my favorite surprise. Oh and people who need to be in one lane but pass all the cars and then turn their blinker on and expect someone to let them in. Because they're all so much more important. Hmph. Okay I better quit before I get all hot and bothered.
Man, I love this movie. I wish I found out I was a princess who was going to become queen but then some hot guy tried to steal my crown and I had to have an arranged marriage with another cute guy so I could be queen while I was falling in love with the other guy who is supposed to be my enemy. Isn't that every girl's dream? It's not? Weird...
So if I can't be a princess, I've decided to be a singer. I've got the voice, but my look isn't quite right, and I've never been a great dancer. So I'll wear a mask and be all mysterious and stuff.* And I've been studying moves on those music video thingers and I think if I perfect just a couple strategic moves I'll be good. So first I need to be standing in the rain. Things always look better in the rain, plus it will obscure me somewhat. Plus, it's helpful for the next part, which involves tossing my head just so and making sure that some of my hair sticks to my face. There's something about proving I can sing with hair in my eyes, seems to be a common thread. Finally, I will hold my head with both hands as if I'm in extreme pain. Throw in a back and forth head toss or two, and my look and dance are complete. I'm totally the complete package. Feel free to send agents my way.
I'm such a sap. I'm totally tearing up at this movie when she's getting crowned queen. Oops, did I ruin the ending? I mean...uhhh...I'm tearing up when the mean guy gets the throne and then the palace blows up. It's very sad.
Last week I won a pineapple for a coloring contest. It was pretty cool. I felt special. (Phyllis! Stop! No smart remarks!)
Today at work Phyllis told me she was grumpy, and I said I was sleepy. So we decided our team should be the seven dwarves! What's funny is how most of the names we picked are pretty fitting for us. When Kari leaves and there are seven on the team plus supervisor, we decided our supervisor will become Snow White and we will be her seven dwarves. Okay, so we're strange. But it was amusing. More people will understand this one than the time when Phyllis and I decided our cube was the Borg Cube from Star Trek and gave everyone "designations" (i.e. 3 of 6) and decided our supervisor was our "Borg Queen." I can't believe I just admitted to that.
I'm going to go rot my brain with some Real World. It's like a car wreck, horrible, but I can't seem to stop watching. I don't think I covered everything that has bounced around in my head over the past couple of weeks, but I keep getting distracted and writing this has taken me like over an hour. It's a problem. I'm done. Adios.
*See my post titled "Masquerade"
Sunday, August 16, 2009
State Fair Fun!
Dear Randi-
Thanks for helping my new nickname catch on, and for making me smile. I hope your baby finally went to sleep, because it's been like a week, and I'm pretty sure it's not healthy for babies to go without sleep for a week. Also, while I had a blast dressing up like Julia Roberts, the real JR randomly showed up at my door and took all the pictures. Just trust that I was a dead ringer.
-Twitchy
Now that that's out of the way...time for a recap post! Woop woop! (Hi Emily!) So last week I was a total slacker. I was sick for two whole days and had all sorts of random things running through my brain, and I didn't post. Mostly because staring at the computer screen for too long made me a bit woozy. But trust me, they would have been hilarious posts if I'd made them. Let's take a moment and just imagine, shall we? ... ... ... Ahhh, that's the stuff.
Thursday night was the Drew Seeley concert at the state fair. It was a lot of fun. Thankfully, my obsession had waned by then, and I could just enjoy it. See, here's what you need to know about me. I have an obsessive personality...but also a short attention span. I find something or someone who I think is pretty cool, find out a lot about them (not in a creepy way) for a week or two, and then suddenly I see something shiny and it's over. Haha. So the concert was good, but I wasn't like all weird and nervous, though I was still happy to go. Of course, the average age at the show was 8-10, and surprisingly mostly girls. Go figure. Haha. DS had his best friend from high school, Brandon, come and play a couple acoustic songs with him, and that was really cool. Probably my favorite part of the show. Heather and I stood in line to meet him after and I got my picture taken with him. It was pretty cool.
Friday I got to spend the day at the fair with my family. I gotta say, there were a lot of things on a stick. I took a bunch of pictures of different things on sticks and posted them on Facebook. Anything from chicken to candy bars to origami! Pretty amazing what people can get on a stick. Other fun things at the fair: a grizzly old man with a herd of geese, a street musician, and, of course, the butter cow! Standing in line for the butter cow, there was this really annoying lady behind me. The first butter sculpture was an astronaut. Lady: "Oh yeah, it's been 50 years since we FAKED the moon landing. I saw this special on the History Channel..." Next came the butter cow. Lady: "That doesn't look so hard. I bet I could do it!" When she opened her mouth for the last sculpture (a TV with footage of the moon landing playing) I quickly walked away. I was pushing Siri's stroller and didn't want to "accidently" run into her. We spent 9.5 hours at the fair. Craziness, especially since we still didn't see everything we wanted to! The kids were really good though, and it was a lot of fun.
My family stuck around for most of the weekend. I got to spend some time with my nephew, Lyle. Lyle turned 4 on Thursday, and he is 100% boy. So different from playing with the girls. Lyle is a redheaded daredevil. He is hilarious. He spent part of the day on Saturday telling stories about finding a monster in a bathroom with his friend Swordfight. He kept stopping and asking if we really wanted to hear the story because it was pretty scary. When everyone else was taking naps, Lyle and I played Memory. Now, Lyle is one of the nicest little boys I've ever met, and working with preschoolers, I met a lot of little boys. One thing about Lyle, however, is that Lyle HATES to lose. He must win at everything. When we played, he got all my matches, and at the end of every game, he said, "I win, you lose." What a hoot. We had a nice talk about sportsmanship, and the last game he said, "I win, you lose...well, maybe you win...no, we tied!" Haha. What a good compromise.
So many stories, and yet I am bored. I want to get up early-ish in the morning, so I will end with my "almost spit-take" of the weekend:
*We were at home after the long day at the fair. We all had glasses of milk.*
Mom: This milk tastes really good.
Emily: It really does. Now I almost wish I had used one of those milk vending machines at the fair.
Me: Emily, those are called cows.
*ALMOST-SPIT-TAKE*
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