I made a list

"I lured him out with peanuts."
"What??"
"I put a bag of peanuts in the backyard. He went out and ate 'em. Like a squirrel."

"I'll take care of your father when you die. But I'm renaming him Rusty."
LOL King of Queens.

So today I went to get the mail, and I found an issue of People magazine, along with a bill for over $100 for a year subscription. Hmm. Funny thing...I never subscribed! I'm thinking...I have no idea. The magazine fairy has a sick sense of humor.

This was on the heels of a visit to Walmart, which, as you all know, is always an interesting experience. You never know who you're going to run in to at Walmart. Just walking in I saw a crazy old man with hair all over pushing a cart full of things he definitely did not purchase at Walmart. Inside I ran into a bunch of people who like to park their carts on one side of the aisle and stand staring at the other side while I stand and wait patiently, mentally tapping my foot. (Okay I know the tenses don't match up in the sentence. Whatever.) At one point I was walking behind two people who were talking to themselves. I even looked at their ears to see if they had bluetooth headsets, but nope. The lady I ended up following until she came across an employee to scream at. She was like, "I've been looking for hours for x!" If it were me I'm not sure I would have been as polite as the employee. Because obviously it was his fault that she had wandered around aimlessly without asking for help before reaching her boiling point. I'm not the biggest fan of Walmart, but they are usually pretty helpful when you need something. Some people think the world revolves around them. Poor guy. Hope the lady didn't bite his head off.

It's raining. And cold. And someone said snow is possible for the weekend. And I'm pretending it is all lies. I am in my happy place where there is no such thing as snow, except for on weekends to play in, and then it's all gone by the time I have to drive to work. I don't think I'd mind snow so much if I didn't have to drive so much. Icy roads scare me.

I had a dream last night that there was a big snowstorm right before the Halloween fireworks. And they were trying to set up for the parade, but they got in accidents because they tried to block traffic as it was flowing. But the snow melted by the time the fireworks started, except I couldn't see them, because I think they were black. Random.

This morning I got a plastic cap put on my dental implant. It's weird looking, even worse than just not having a tooth there. Only three more weeks and my dental nightmares will be over!!! Except I'll be paying for them for years yet. Sigh. I had to laugh though. My dentist was working on my teeth, chatting as usual. I like him a lot, he's pretty entertaining. So he was talking and I was answering and he could understand me. Then he was done and I sat up, and he gave me a mirror to look at my "tooth," and I turned to him and said, "Gosh this looks just like a real tooth, no one will know the difference!" (Totally sarcastic) He blinked and said, "What?" I had to repeat myself, and then he laughed and said yes, it was a good disguise. However, it was just funny, because he never asks me to repeat myself while his fingers are in my mouth. Perhaps he's just too attuned to muffled speech, so clear speech is like alien language. *Shrug*

Guess what. Phyllis is the bestest. She told me I was special FOUR TIMES today! Sometimes I feel like maybe she isn't being completely sincere...but then I think, no, of course Phyllis really means it when she says I'm special. For reals. I think she was having issues today though...she kept talking to her iPod. Like, literally picking it up and speaking directly into it. It listened too, which made me wonder about her magical powers. I made her doubt her own sanity though. I was reading instructions on one of our databases, and I said one thing and then played innocent. I don't even remember what it was. But it was funny. Oh, and Phyllis always talks about how she swears. And then she swears. It's a very bad habit. I'm going to start washing her mouth out with hand sanitizer. I'll put it in her Jimmy John's.

I was telling Phyllis today about how I got something in the mail addressed to Renta (instead of Renata). That led to a discussion on renting people. And I said that being an employee is kind of like being rented by a company. Is that weird? Yes. Okay, but really, it's like, if you rent a car, you are paying for services for a while. Some things you rent hourly, some things you rent for longer times. Employees can be rented by the hour. Or they can be salaried. Or...okay this has gone down a very strange path and I'm going to stop and go to bed.

Next time: Commonly used phrases and their meanings. Maybe. If I feel like it.