Sometimes I have multiple personalities

I think this might be a new record for me. Three blog entries in a week. I don't know what's going on, but Phyllis seems pretty sure that there won't be entries for like three months after this. She might be right. But I bet she's wrong. We'll see, I guess.

Wow, I wrote that last paragraph like an hour ago. That's pretty bad for my ADD, isn't it? Whoops.

So anyway.

There went another half hour.

Phyllis has finally convinced me to go to her hair person, who she has termed "The Hair Whisperer," which I find very amusing. I was a little nervous, so she set up appointments at the same time so that she can "hold my hand." Well, this got us on the topic of how strange I am with the things I get anxious about. I'm not sure why I get anxious about going to a new hair person. I mean, gang banger druggie clients, bring 'em on. New hair person? YIPE! Going to the trailer park in the dark? No worries. New Bible study? I think I might be feeling a little sick...

I think it comes down to my multiple personalities. Don't do your happy dance yet, Phyllis, I don't mean that I have actual different personalities all living in my head (though it's big enough) with whom I converse on a regular basis. (Although I do have those blackout periods...hmmm....). What I mean is the fact that I can be a completely different person in different situations. For work, I put on my kickass (sorry Mom!) therapist personality. In fact, I find those lil munchkins endearing. Ooh, so cute that you're in a gang! How sweet that you're doing drugs again! You're a rebel? How cute!! (Okay I used the word cute twice and it's bugging me but I can't think of another word to use. Call it a tribute to my boss, Amanda, who thinks all our little hooligans are adorable. Oh! That would have been a good one to use! Too late now...) But put me in a social situation where I know hardly anyone, and I clam up tighter than a monkey clings to his last banana. Let me take a moment and psychoanalyze myself:

I sink zat zees social phobia comes from ze deep-seated need for ze people to like me, and zat eet ees exacerbated by ze frequent moving around ven I vas a leetle child.

Of course, once I'm comfortable, the random personality jumps out. I will call him Skippy. Oh gosh, why is that personality male?? How weird! This is where all those comments from Phyllis come from. I'm sort of a class clown. Or in my case, the cube clown. Completely sarcastic, and I pretty much say whatever pops into my head. Which isn't always a good thing, because my head is a strange and unpredictable place.

Where was I going with this?

I saw an article today that someone has invented a symbol to denote sarcasm. If I ever need that symbol, I have failed as a writer. Although I could see how it would be nice in some texts or when typing to people who don't know you well.

So anyway, back to my multiple personalities. It sometimes gets hard when I have to switch quickly from one mode to another. Or when I'm out of practice. For example, my small group disbanded and now I have joined a new Bible study instead. It's a women's Bible study over Ephesians, and I think it'll be really good, but I don't know anyone very well except the pastor's wife, and I haven't done a Bible study in a long time. I don't think I know how to do that anymore. It's like, a social situation (remember the monkey and his banana) but also a situation where we have to think and answer questions. Yikes! Eventually I know I will loosen up and be myself, but for the first one I was pretty lame. I wonder though, if I know that eventually I will be myself, what is keeping me from doing it right now. Hmmm...

I sink zat I must feel out ze situation first to feegure out what ze correct personality ees to use in zis situation. In fact, ze...

Oh, monkey farts. (They smell like bananas)

Please pick your nose.